The Biological Clock

I'm about to delve into what is a controversial subject for some people. So I'll begin by stating that I respect the right of couples to choose when to have children and how many children they have. All I ask is that same respect be afforded to me as well.

Ethan and I have been married for three and a half years. It's been an amazing ride. In that time we have been to Europe twice, bought and completely painted and furnished our first home, gotten through two years of school for Ethan, and much, much, much more. I love him more every day. We were together for three years prior to getting married, so we know each other very well and are secure in our relationship with each other and as individuals. He is my best friend. 

This past year and the beginning of 2009 have been filled with pregnancy announcements from people we know. Some of them I have been happy for, others I have thought secretly "You. Are. Insane." Obviously I only think that if it was planned and done purposely. Some babies are born that weren't planned (I was one of them) and there's really nothing to be done about that! I don't consider any baby a mistake or a "whoops" just so everyone knows. I just consider them an unplanned pregnancy.

The couples I am happy for are couples that have been married for a while (over five years), are well established, and are able to take on the responsibility of a baby. The couples I think are crazy are the couples who are very young (in their early 20's) and haven't been married very long. I wonder why they're in such a rush to start a family. Anyone who is married knows how much work marriage is. I don't understand why any couple would want to throw the incredible stresses and responsibilities that a baby brings on top of that as well. I am not even going to touch on the subject of the infamous Duggar family. 

Ethan is in school right now finishing up his second degree. I can't imagine what a pregnancy would do to him. I'm sure his stress levels would skyrocket through the roof. With a full time class load, a full time job in one of the hardest careers, and everything else going on, it would literally be selfish of me to announce that I wanted to start a family. It's selfish of other people to expect us to start a family with where we are in life. This is not to say that if I found myself miraculously pregnant that I would take steps to no longer be pregnant. On the contrary. We would figure it out and change our priorites and goals as necessary to welcome our little person. As it stands though, a little person will not be making their debut for quite some time because we simply don't want a Baby Ridge at this time or anytime in the next few years. For those who accuse us of not "trusting" the Lord because we take preventative measures ... wow. You seriously believe God is limited by whatever we humans do to try and control our lives? I hope the Lord doesn't take that statement as a dare because it certainly isn't one. I would like to think that the Lord is delighted when couples actually WANT to have a child and aren't gobsmacked by the realization that they're pregnant when that's the last thing they wanted at that time in their life. A planned pregnancy certainly makes for a much more harmonious nine months. 

People have asked if we actually want children. There is no concrete answer for that yet.We are not opposed to having children. The vote is unanimous that Ethan and I will be amazing parents. We know what we're doing. Nobody will be able to label us "young, inexperienced parents" because even if we had a baby right now...we know VASTLY much more about caring for and raising children than either set of our parents did when they had us. At the same time, we do not say that having children is "definitely going to happen!" The predicted happiness of future grandparents doesn't sway us. We don't make decisions based on those kinds of things...especially when the grandparents won't be doing any of the work! I don't have a ticking biological clock or a driving need to be a mother. I don't know if this is because I fill the role of a mother every single day in my job. I wipe away tears, kiss boo-boos after applying the appropriately sized bandaid with the requisite neosporin, figure out complicated toy assemblies or battery replacements, explain the answers to random questions children have, and teach my children to be respectful and polite. I have walked the halls in the wee hours of the morning with a crying baby....and twins... more times than I can remember, changed countless diapers, clipped tiny fingernails, rocked babies to sleep while singing a not-so-in-tune lullaby, and administered medication with a bulb syringe. I have sneaked veggies into meals in creative ways, and distracted babies with the famous "airplane" spoon technique. I have taught children to tie their shoes, ride a bike, and crack an egg without getting the shell into the bowl. I have juggled multiple schedules and figured out complicated carpool logistics so that everyone is on time to their various activities with all the needed equipment. There really isn't anything I haven't done besides carry a baby for 40 weeks and give birth. I can confidently say that motherhood is the hardest job that exists, and also the most rewarding. I have reaped those rewards in my career with all "my" children. I don't know if I want the responsibility of children 24 hours per day, 7 days per week with no reprieve. I enjoy going home at night and not having to worry about a child throwing up or wetting the bed at 2 AM. I enjoy my free time (the little that I have) on weekends without having to make an impromptu trip to the ER for a broken arm. I enjoy being able to sleep in and not have to worry about the possibility that my children may elect to awaken at 5 AM and not go back to sleep. I enjoy the freedom that I have by not having children. Maybe someday that will change. Maybe one morning I will wake up with this burning desire to become a mother that doesn't let up until I fulfill that. That's what many other women I know have told me happened to them. I'm 28 years old.... so who knows? It will be interesting to see what life brings a few years down the road!