The Chameleon Complex

I think we're all familiar with what I like to dub "The Chameleon Complex". It's when a person changes themselves so often to fit the image they feel they need to project. It happens a lot with boyfriends. A gal will change something about herself or her entire self completely because she feels she won't get the love she so desperately wants if she doesn't. Newsflash: if you have to change who you are for a guy...he's most definitely not the guy for you. Sometimes it's a little more serious though and leads to practical brainwashing. A girl I was once friends with is a classic example and is probably the epitome of Chameleon Complex.

I met this girl several years ago and at the time she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. She was overweight and absolutely miserable. She somehow convinced herself that it was all her fault and if she were better, smarter, more beautiful, then the guy wouldn't be mean to her anymore. She eventually did move on from him but then landed herself in another relationship with a Muslim guy who was a shady character to say the least. Plus, Jen was supposedly a straightlaced Baptist who subscribed to Christian beliefs... anyway, she twisted the Bible to her liking to justify dating (and sleeping with) this guy. We had several arguments over him because it was quite obvious that what she was doing was wrong and not in line with her faith. To be fair, her family legitimized the relationship and helped her justify it too... so I looked like the crazy Bible thumper friend. I think a year went by where we didn't speak to each other. In that year she reinvented herself and starved/exercised herself down 50 pounds to be more attractive for him. Her Muslim boyfriend left her, just as I predicted he would and married a girl back home. This was incredibly hurtful to her, and I held her while she cried for quite a long time and was there to help pick up the pieces. She got involved with another one who was actually physically abusive but fortunately wasn't dumb enough to stay in that relationship. After this guy, she got involved with an Indian guy. Different religion, and I suppose nice enough....but they were miserable, always fighting, and he always made her cry. Not to mention the whole "unequally yoked" part. He left her too. Who wants to be in a relationship that is difficult and full of drama? So in her unhappiness, she gets involved with a divorced alcohol abusing guy with two kids and starts practically living with him. That relationship also ends badly....long story short: she ends up in jail after he calls the police on her during an argument in which she broke into his apartment. Believe it or not, she actually goes BACK to the guy after all this! It eventually ends because her family has had enough of him. So then she throws herself into church. Which isn't a bad thing at all.... unless you become a holier than thou Bible thumper who considers herself better than everyone else. A little humility is a good thing...when you've come from rock bottom as described above. Instead, she chooses to hide her past from everyone at the church and present herself a a virgin non-drinking superstrict Baptist. Yeah. So not the truth at all. But the church and her "new" friends believe the lie. She meets an overweight guy at the church (who passes muster with her family and pastor) with zero personality or manners and decides to marry him within a few months of meeting.... much to the disbelief of her friends. Completely not her type in the least bit, and none of us can see what she sees in him.  She also constantly spouts Bible verses and religious thoughts and passes judgement on others. It's too drastic a change in too short a time to trust. The girl we all knew and loved never would have married him. Wouldn't have even given him a second glance. She's an established chameleon now.... so making another change from who she really is must be old hat at this point. It's just sad. The danger of being a chameleon is that you change so much that your friends no longer recognize you and cannot put up with your drama and the hypocrisy of it all. So best wishes to my friend, but I can't be in her life anymore. All I can do is pray that she someday realizes who she really is and stops pretending to be someone she isn't to make everyone else happy.

Trying something new....

So, I have previously posted about how strict Ethan and I are with our money and our budget since it is pretty important to us. We always charged everything to a credit card (groceries, bills, etc) and then paid the balance off in full. However, I noticed that sometimes we purchased things we didn't really need and wondered if it was because of the convienence of swiping a credit card instead of paying with actual cash. I also decided to clip coupons for things that we do buy from time to time and keep them in a filing folder to take with us when we had to buy said items. We also decided to shop at an international farmer's market nearby for produce, and it has literally cut our produce expenses by more than half. Interestingly enough, the farmer's market doesn't take credit cards....only cash! We have also applied this to shopping for clothing, etc.

So, we decided to find out. And the answer is unequivocally yes: we did buy things we wouldn't have bought when using a credit card to buy groceries, etc. Shopping at the farmer's market has also saved us hundreds of dollars already in the few months that we have been shopping there for produce and meat/cheese items. The coupons really haven't saved us that much money, but every penny counts, especially in times like these when the best thing to do is shore up your savings as much as you possibly can. I know you can really make coupons work for you by shopping when things are already on sale and on double/triple coupon days, etc but to be honest: I don't have the time right now to devote to that...maybe when I am a full time mom! As for shopping for clothing...it's amazing how you decide you don't really need anything when you don't have a credit card to swipe.... you don't want your little stash of cash to dwindle, and you find a way to make your current closet contents work for you.

We are now on a cash only kick and we're loving it. It is a little inconvienent sometimes to pay ahead of time at the gas station, but it is worth it. The only things we don't pay for with cash are our automated bills which are charged to our credit card each month (cell phone, cable/Internet, automobile insurance, etc.) It is pretty awesome to know exacly how much the credit card balance will be at the end of each month. It is also amazing how much money we have saved in the process. We said we'd do this for six months but I'm pretty sure we'll be doing it for the forseeable future because of all the benefits we have reaped. The only things we will buy with credit cards are major purchases and travel-related items (airfare, rental cars, etc) for the consumer protection benefits.

So....if you're trying to find a way to save money, try this option. I think you'll be amazed by what you discover!

Adventures in the kitchen.....

So, while I was in Jamaica I tok several books with me. One of the books was "Julie & Julia" which is now a major motion picture with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. I actually read the book on the flight home and it was quite funny. If you don't like strong language though, do not read the book. The movie is definitely extremely toned down and sweetened up quite a bit...kind of the opposite Hollywood treatment that books usually get! Anyway I decided after reading the book that I really wanted to cook some of the recipes that she did. Then I saw the movie and became even more inspired to do it. So I bought Julia Child's cookbook, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" with a gift card that had been sitting around and decided to host a dinner party for our friends Dawn and Kevin. The dinner party is tomorrow night starting at 5 since Ethan can't stay up too late due to working on Labor Day (police officers never catch a break). It was also rainy most of this morning which was perfect since I didn't think "Man, I wish I could be at the pool instead of cooking in my kitchen...."

So, I decided to make Potage Parmentier (potato and leek soup), Beouf Bournignon, and Charlotte Malakoff au Chocolat. The soup will be made right beforehand, but Charlotte Malakoff au Chocolat has to be made the day before, and you have the option of making the B.B. the night before as well and reheating, which actually makes the flavors more intense.

I made my shopping list last night and went to bed at 10 PM.... didn't stay up late because I knew I'd need to be up this morning to head to the Farmer's Market and other places to get what I needed to begin the cooking frenzy!

I woke up at 8:45 this morning and headed to the Farmer's Market to buy all of my ingredients. After I dropped them off at home, I headed to Crate & Barrel to buy a Dutch oven with the anniversary gift card my parents had sent us. Dutch ovens are awesome because they work on the stovetop and in the oven - and B.B. pretty much requires you cook it in a casserole dish with that ability. On the way home from Crate & Barrel, I stopped at a package store to pick up orange liqeur for the Charlotte Malakoff, and then made a stop at Kroger for some other groceries. I also grabbed a coffee from Starbucks...not to drink... to use in the Charlotte Malakoff! I don't have a coffeemaker...so this was my "easy" option. My last stop was Bed, Bath, and Beyond for cheesecloth.

Back at home I decided to make the ladyfingers first. Store bought ladyfingers are apparently of "inferior quality" so you must make your own. The batter was basically eggs and sugar with flour mixed in - and it was an extremely light batter...light and fluffy. I put it in a pastry bag and piped it into fingerlike shapes on my buttered and floured baking pans. Then i sifted powdered sugar all over them and popped them into the oven for 20 minutes, removed them from the pans immediately, and set aside to cool.

Then I began the B.B. I had to peel a bunch of pearl onions and quarter a pound of large white mushrooms, First I sauteed mushrooms in butter, and then set those aside. Next I braised pearl onions with a herb bouquet in cheesecloth and set those aside. Then I washed all the pans in the sink and put them back on the cooktop for further use. I chopped a carrot and sliced an onion and put those aside in a bowl. Then I blanched lardons of bacon (slab of bacon with the rind cut off and cut into chunks and simmered for 10 minutes on a stove). I drained and dried the bacon and then browned it in oil. I removed the bacon and then sauteed the chopped carrot and sliced onion in the bacon fat and then removed and set aside. I then cut my 3 pound top round steak into chunks. Reheated the oil and fat until it was nearly smoking, just like Julia says to do, browned them in the bacon fat and then put the cooked beef chunks in a bowl with the blanched bacon. I sprinkled salt, pepper, and flour on the beef and then tossed them in the dutch oven and put it in the oven for 4 minutes. Took it back out, tossed it again, put it back in for another 4 minutes. Turned down the oven temperature.... and then Ethan came home, which was a good thing.... because I needed him to open my bottle of Chianti. (tennis elbow makes it really painful to grip and twist things) I then poured three cups of Chianti wine (and swigged the remaining wine as I continued to cook) and beef stock. That mixture went into the oven for 3 hours minus the vegetables. May I just say that the scent of the Beouf Bournignon as it cooked was absoluely heavenly? Mmmmm. Wonder if Ethan smelled it as he slept? He is working an overnight job tonight so he went to bed pretty much right after he helped me with the wine. I didn't mind at all since I had serious cooking still ahead of me.

While the BB was cooking I cleaned my kitchen up and started to work on the Charlotte Malakoff. I had to dilute some orange liqeur with water and then quickly dip the ladyfingers in it and put on a cake rack to drain excess liquid. Then I washed and hulled stawberries and also put on a cake rack to dry completely.

Next was the almond cream... basically it's 2 sticks of butter creamed with sugar and pulverized almonds (thank you, Magic Bullet). Since I am making the chocolate almond cream, I melted a huge semisweet chocolate bar with the coffee I had bought from Starbucks and then mixed that in as well. I set it in the fridge to cool off completely, since whipped cream with liquefy when exposed to heat. Then I made whipped cream.... well, I should say more like whipped the whip cream.... just poured two cups of whipping cream into a bowl that had been in the freezer all day for chilling purposes and then whipped the heck out of it until it was whipped cream. Folded that into the chocolate almond cream.

I then artfully (or tried to!) arranged the ladyfingers into a souffle casserole dish on the bottom in wedge shapes and then lined the sides with a ring of upright ladyfingers. The next step was layering.... 1/3 of the cream, then strawberries, then ladyfingers, and so on... and ending with the chocolate cream. I then put waxed paper on the top, placed a saucer on top, and a heavy jar of jelly on top of the saucer where it now sits in the fridge. I am supposed to be able to flip this thing over onto a plate tomorrow and voila - the butter in the cream will have chilled enough to harden and make a beautiful Charlotte Malakoff. Please google it if you want to know what it looks like before I post photos of my own..... please be aware that a lot of the images on Google are NOT how Julia instructs to do it - many people skip lining the bottom of the dish because it is somewhat difficult to make it look pretty.

At 6:15 (and I started at 11:30 AM), the Beouf Bournignon was finished cooking in the oven, so I pulled it out and then strained it over a saucepan. Washed the burning hot casserole pot and lid and then returned the contents of the strainer to the dish and topped it with the sauteed mushrooms, onions, and carrots, and the braised pearl onions. I had to reduce the sauce since it was a little thin by boiling it down rapidly, and once that was done, I poured it over the beef and vegetables. It is now sitting on the cooktop cooling off and once it is totally cooled, will go into the fridge. Tomorrow I will take it out and slowly reheat it on the stove as I make the soup to serve for our dinner party. I finished everything at 7 PM.... 7.5 hours in the kitchen today! (oh, and the B.B. is to die for. I should know. I snuck a taste)

So....that was my day! More tomorrow after the dinner party and hopefully with pictures of the fruits of my labor!

Everything for Jamaica is official! Our flights are booked... after waiting for a couple of months, the airfares dropped dramatically and I snapped them up. It will be great to fly a direct, non-stop flight. Our previous travels have always been more complicated with all sorts of connections (and stops) in different countries. We really cannot wait!

In other news, I am leaving my job on May 21st. I really felt that my personal life was taking a hit and as much as I love my boys, I just couldn't continue to work until 7:30 PM even with breaks during the day. I gave them 8 weeks notice and they have already found a replacement. And of course, I already have another job which I will begin the day after Memorial Day! My "new" job will be governess/household manager for Finn and Eugenia. I say "new" because I have been working for the family on a part-time basis on weekends since December 2007 since before Eugenia was born. Another baby is due in October, and I am so excited. Eugenia was born in October 2008, and she is such a precious sweetheart. Finn will be 4 in a couple of weeks and is a rambunctious ALL-boy chatterbox. I absolutely love the family, adore the kids, and am very excited to be working with younger children again. Being off at 5:30 PM will also do amazing things for my personal life since I will be able to join a women's Bible study and take a photography class: things I could not do due to my work schedule now. Those two things are on my agenda for August and the fall. I will be traveling with my new employers to Savannah, GA for a week in June and to their family farm in rural Virginia in July. I have never been to Savannah before, so I am very excited to have the opportunity to spend a week there! My boss actually grew up there, so I will be introduced to Savannah on a much more personal level than if I were just a tourist. 

I have started taking private Pilates apparatus sessions at Studio Lotus here in Atlanta and absolutely love it. My only regret is not starting sooner than I did. It has done amazing things for my well being... it sounds cliche but it really is a mind-body-soul connection. No, none of that voodoo chanting like those weird yoga classes... just wonderful exercise that stretches you and makes you more aware of yourself. Even if I am exhausted when I go in for a session, I am re-energized when I leave after my hour is up. 

Ethan only has another week left of his spring semester and is very glad it is nearly over. It has been a grueling four months with his six classes, but as always, he did very well. He will be graduating in December 2010. It's amazing how close that is... prayers are appreciated as that time draws nearer since we will have some big decisions to make about where we go next once he has his accounting degree!

I am watching a lightning storm right now and it's beautiful. It reminds me of the beach when my family used to sit on the balcony and watch the lightning flash over the ocean. I am so looking forward to seeing my family Memorial Day weekend.... 

Jamaica, mon!

Hi! I am so excited to announce that Ethan and I will be going to Jamaica for our 4th anniversary from August 8-16th. We will be staying in Montego Bay at one of the Sandals Resorts and plan to spend our time there relaxing and participating in watersports (scuba diving, snorkeling, windsurfing, etc.). We are really looking forward to spending a week alone together and being waited on hand and foot! I think that Ethan really deserves this week of R&R as well considering how hard he has been working at Georgia State University. Amazing to think that on our trip he'll only have one more year of school/3 semesters left! It's a pretty exciting adventure because once he graduates, another chapter of our life will open up and we don't know yet what that will be. It's also sort of scary at the same time, but we know that the Lord is in control and He has a perfect plan for us. The plan He's had for us so far has been pretty amazing! I really do feel like I live in a dream life... I have the dream job, dream house, dream husband...dream life. I could not be more thankful for what He has given us and am content to follow where He leads.

We're heading skiing with my parents this coming weekend and are greatly looking forward to spending some time away with them. We always have a good time with them, and we'll make some memories in the process. Check back for photos of our weekend at a later date!

Hope you all are well.

The Biological Clock

I'm about to delve into what is a controversial subject for some people. So I'll begin by stating that I respect the right of couples to choose when to have children and how many children they have. All I ask is that same respect be afforded to me as well.

Ethan and I have been married for three and a half years. It's been an amazing ride. In that time we have been to Europe twice, bought and completely painted and furnished our first home, gotten through two years of school for Ethan, and much, much, much more. I love him more every day. We were together for three years prior to getting married, so we know each other very well and are secure in our relationship with each other and as individuals. He is my best friend. 

This past year and the beginning of 2009 have been filled with pregnancy announcements from people we know. Some of them I have been happy for, others I have thought secretly "You. Are. Insane." Obviously I only think that if it was planned and done purposely. Some babies are born that weren't planned (I was one of them) and there's really nothing to be done about that! I don't consider any baby a mistake or a "whoops" just so everyone knows. I just consider them an unplanned pregnancy.

The couples I am happy for are couples that have been married for a while (over five years), are well established, and are able to take on the responsibility of a baby. The couples I think are crazy are the couples who are very young (in their early 20's) and haven't been married very long. I wonder why they're in such a rush to start a family. Anyone who is married knows how much work marriage is. I don't understand why any couple would want to throw the incredible stresses and responsibilities that a baby brings on top of that as well. I am not even going to touch on the subject of the infamous Duggar family. 

Ethan is in school right now finishing up his second degree. I can't imagine what a pregnancy would do to him. I'm sure his stress levels would skyrocket through the roof. With a full time class load, a full time job in one of the hardest careers, and everything else going on, it would literally be selfish of me to announce that I wanted to start a family. It's selfish of other people to expect us to start a family with where we are in life. This is not to say that if I found myself miraculously pregnant that I would take steps to no longer be pregnant. On the contrary. We would figure it out and change our priorites and goals as necessary to welcome our little person. As it stands though, a little person will not be making their debut for quite some time because we simply don't want a Baby Ridge at this time or anytime in the next few years. For those who accuse us of not "trusting" the Lord because we take preventative measures ... wow. You seriously believe God is limited by whatever we humans do to try and control our lives? I hope the Lord doesn't take that statement as a dare because it certainly isn't one. I would like to think that the Lord is delighted when couples actually WANT to have a child and aren't gobsmacked by the realization that they're pregnant when that's the last thing they wanted at that time in their life. A planned pregnancy certainly makes for a much more harmonious nine months. 

People have asked if we actually want children. There is no concrete answer for that yet.We are not opposed to having children. The vote is unanimous that Ethan and I will be amazing parents. We know what we're doing. Nobody will be able to label us "young, inexperienced parents" because even if we had a baby right now...we know VASTLY much more about caring for and raising children than either set of our parents did when they had us. At the same time, we do not say that having children is "definitely going to happen!" The predicted happiness of future grandparents doesn't sway us. We don't make decisions based on those kinds of things...especially when the grandparents won't be doing any of the work! I don't have a ticking biological clock or a driving need to be a mother. I don't know if this is because I fill the role of a mother every single day in my job. I wipe away tears, kiss boo-boos after applying the appropriately sized bandaid with the requisite neosporin, figure out complicated toy assemblies or battery replacements, explain the answers to random questions children have, and teach my children to be respectful and polite. I have walked the halls in the wee hours of the morning with a crying baby....and twins... more times than I can remember, changed countless diapers, clipped tiny fingernails, rocked babies to sleep while singing a not-so-in-tune lullaby, and administered medication with a bulb syringe. I have sneaked veggies into meals in creative ways, and distracted babies with the famous "airplane" spoon technique. I have taught children to tie their shoes, ride a bike, and crack an egg without getting the shell into the bowl. I have juggled multiple schedules and figured out complicated carpool logistics so that everyone is on time to their various activities with all the needed equipment. There really isn't anything I haven't done besides carry a baby for 40 weeks and give birth. I can confidently say that motherhood is the hardest job that exists, and also the most rewarding. I have reaped those rewards in my career with all "my" children. I don't know if I want the responsibility of children 24 hours per day, 7 days per week with no reprieve. I enjoy going home at night and not having to worry about a child throwing up or wetting the bed at 2 AM. I enjoy my free time (the little that I have) on weekends without having to make an impromptu trip to the ER for a broken arm. I enjoy being able to sleep in and not have to worry about the possibility that my children may elect to awaken at 5 AM and not go back to sleep. I enjoy the freedom that I have by not having children. Maybe someday that will change. Maybe one morning I will wake up with this burning desire to become a mother that doesn't let up until I fulfill that. That's what many other women I know have told me happened to them. I'm 28 years old.... so who knows? It will be interesting to see what life brings a few years down the road! 

It's amazing how fast the summer went. It's really amazing how fast life seems to go these days. It makes me sad sometimes to think about the limited time that we have on this earth and how it really is just "a blink of an eye". But I know that what we have to look forward to in eternity doesn't even compare to what we have here, which is only temporary anyway. Who would choose a life here on earth with the pain and suffering when the option of living in glory with no tears exists? Not me!

We celebrated our third anniversary this summer, which was wonderful. It's hard to believe that we have known each other for six years because it seems so much longer and so much shorter all at the same time. I know we're both very thankful for each other and appreciate each other's contributions to our marriage and daily life. We also celebrated Ethan's father's 60th birthday, Ethan's younger brother's 22nd birthday after spending a week at the beach with Ethan's brothers. Summer 2008 was definitely one of memories.

Life here in Atlanta is busy for both of us. Ethan has a full-time class load this semester in addition to his full-time job. Since the door to law school closed to me this year, I have focused on working and pursuing interests I've had for a while. Right now I'm taking kettlebell classes which I love and spending a lot of time in the gym. I can safely say that I'm in the best shape I've ever been in as a result. Ethan has also started taking kettlebell classes as well. I've also had a lot of time to read and have definitely enjoyed that. My other interests are Pilates and photography, but I'll get to those things sometime later this year, maybe in early 2009. We'll see!